


Poison and Light

by blueduende



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Hetero sex, Internalized Homophobia, Masturbation, Multi, Naruto is a wannabe addiction counselor who is struggling with relapse, References to Addiction, Romance, Sasuke is lowkey a sex addict so... you know what to expect every chapter ok, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 03:17:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueduende/pseuds/blueduende
Summary: Poisonous thoughts have plagued Sasuke all his life and are only made louder when in the presence of Naruto. This is a story about sexuality, addiction, acceptance, and love.





	Poison and Light

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I've been working on 'Make It Love' but found myself writing scenes that fit this story instead and decided to run with it! AND LET ME TELL YOU: All my writing is complete trash compared to this story I am writing for you!
> 
> It took so long for me to update because my Beta's are Grammarly and Hemingway Editor who are both ice cold bitches and hard as fuck to impress!! They're free though! I'd definitely recommend LOL
> 
> Before you ask me 'In your writing, why is Sasuke always the one hurting?' I want to tell you that this story could have been Naruto's road to recovery but I made a twitter poll which ended up 50/50 so I went to google and flipped a coin... and when has Sasuke ever had the best of luck? :/
> 
> BTW, there is a sex scene between Sasuke and another person but that is the only time I will write Sasuke/Other porn.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for giving this story a try! Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> oh and uh, Naruto does not belong to me blah blah :P
> 
> Ok, now enjoy!

* * *

The constant swaying of the train should have made Sasuke tense with nerves, but the overwhelming smell of garbage invaded his senses, making him scrunch his nose in distaste. There was a small part of him, however, that was silently thankful for the distraction. He desperately needed something to draw his absolute focus from his wandering thoughts.

All the oxygen in his lungs seemed to abandon him, leaving Sasuke winded. His heart began to race and eyes became dilated in horror as though his body had realized a mistake before his mind could catch up to it. 

It was too late to compose himself since it took the barest hint of those depraved thoughts to do catastrophic damage. They reduced him to the same mindset of a shark who'd found traces of blood in the water. Single-minded and starving. He looked around the car for something interesting enough to outrun the images racing to the forefront of his mind. But it was like a dam splintering, mercilessly letting images flow through in rivulets.

_An empty subway car with only two people._

It was so crowded that every now and then, a shoulder would bump against his own or knuckles would brush his, making Sasuke’s desire flair. 

They were in no way meant to be arousing touches. 

He knew that.

But the idea of having occasional and direct skin to skin contact sent waves of lust coursing through him, pouring need into every cell in his body, demanding satiation. 

It was only a matter of time before the effects were visible. 

Fortunately for him, Sasuke discovered a way to control his overpowering fixation by considering the easier to solve parts of his deviancy. He let himself face the odious thoughts, but only with logic. Dissecting and analyzing as if they belonged to someone else. Only then did it become easier to think about why the only aspect of the train ride that made it tolerable was how close Naruto stood to him. 

He saw flashes of skin in his mind's eye and felt his throat suddenly dry. The mask of steel he’d learned as a child ensured that no one realized that he was in the middle of a crisis.

_They would be in a seat while he sat back, putting his back to the strong chest behind him._

When these impulses hit him, desire drowned out the shame of wanting. Wanting something he couldn’t explain. Wanting a taste too much. Eventually, though, that shame he’d managed to tame would burn more harshly when rekindled. It frustrated Sasuke that he couldn’t control those thoughts, those cravings. He couldn’t stop them, and part of him was afraid that he didn’t want them to stop. 

A particularly strong jolt from the train sent everyone into motion. Sasuke righted himself, easily enough, but the clumsy man next to him leaned into the unsteadiness. Naruto’s hand shot out to grab Sasuke’s bicep in a powerful grip, using him for support before mumbling a quick, ‘sorry’. 

_His head would fall back on Naruto’s shoulder. Arms wrapped around him, keeping him securely in place, as hips rolled up against him._

It sent shivers down Sasuke's spine, and his cock went from flaccid to rock hard in the length of a heartbeat. 

That was all it took for the dam to break.

Sasuke pressed himself against the pole in front of him, and he imagined everything he tried and failed to suppress. A shudder escaped his lips and his chin dropped to his chest with lust so potent it almost brought him to his knees.

_Naruto would whisper things directly into his ear. Filthy, wash your mouth out with soap, kinds of things with his strong arm viced around Sasuke’s waist, keeping him at his mercy. Sasuke'd be unable to escape the other hand that moved to caress his pecs, rolling his nipple between strong fingers then sliding down his stomach. Naruto was an impatient man so it was unrealistic to expect any kind of slow from him, but amazingly, Naruto purposely missed his cock. Sasuke would writhe in need, but Naruto would just chuckle in his ear. He’d move on, dragging his fingers along the insides of his thighs, denying Sasuke while pleasuring himself with lazy thrusts. Only Sasuke was naked which made it all the better at driving him to brink of insanity._

It would be exquisite. 

It would be glorious. 

It could never happen.

He snapped out of his fantasy and stood up pin-straight. His head had begun to fall back and his eyes glazed over, but the most incriminating thing that happened was that he was hard - painfully hard - while Naruto stood next to him, humming to himself and wearing that stupid smile on his face. 

Any second, he could look over and notice. He’d think Sasuke was disgusting, that he was a pervert, and never talk to him again. 

Following that feeling of panic was disgust. Pure, unadulterated disgust that rose like bile in his throat, stringing fury along with it. Why was he having such disgusting thoughts about Naruto? They were men. And yet he imagined-- 

No.

No, he was just sex deprived. Sasuke hadn't had sex in, what, 12 hours? At that point, who wasn't tempted to fuck the closest person to them regardless their gender? It was, Sasuke figured, one of those things everyone was almost tempted to partake in but would never admit. A taboo like discussing sex at a table just an octave higher. Like a sick curiosity. 

Maybe he wanted to see what it would be like with a man- should see how it would be like with Naruto.

It was a sobering idea that forced his eyes to shoot open. Anger streaked through him, clearing his mind enough to ensure that he'd fully comprehend the idiocy of what he considered.

His heart was full of revulsion. 

He felt like he was going to be sick. 

Normally a mind reader was required to guess what was going through his head, but at that moment, he wasn't sure he'd be able to suppress any expression passing over his features. To be safe, he put some distance between Naruto and himself. His eyes roamed over countless heads, searching the train for a girl who looked easy. But the packed, shoulder to shoulder, car ensured that the women would hide their demure eyes.

Despite everyone, even the men, avoiding his gaze, he felt a familiar and intense look warming him like a caress. Sasuke reluctantly met the piercing blue eyes, and his breath caught like it always did. Naruto raised an eyebrow at him before throwing an arm over his shoulders, leaning in as he did.

“Are you alright? You don’t look good?” 

For one precious, life-saving moment, his hardness was gone but then, like the flick of a switch, it was back in full force. He really needed to get out of this situation. He could still feel that hot gust of air over his ear. Fuck. 

He needed to get away from Naruto.

Then he found her.

A woman, not much older than himself, was looking at him. She was dressed in a black puff jacket with a scarf around her neck, flashing no skin nor a smile, but he easily recognized the invitation burning in her eyes. It was the same look nearly everyone he met offered him. He tilted his head in consideration. She wasn’t particularly attractive with her sallow skin and dull grey eyes, but her hair was a blond bob cropped to her jaw. Messy and attractive. Her only saving grace.

“I’ll meet you at home,” he glanced at Naruto quickly, transferring the bag he was holding to the confused man and began pushing forward.

“Oh, ok,” Naruto said from behind him. “But, uh, didn't your brother say that we should stay together?”

Sasuke couldn't be bothered to care. He could barely turn around and look at him, let alone escort him back to the Manor. But the hesitant, almost lost, sounding phrase gave him pause. He turned, barely looking over his shoulder while keeping his eyes glued to the woman, as he responded, “Who gives a fuck what Itachi said?” And left Naruto alone.

* * *

He sighed, almost bored, as he waited for orgasm to take him.

The woman sat between his legs with his dick in her mouth, holding her hair back to reveal her hollowed-out cheeks and watering eyes, wore a look nothing short of pure lust. How could she not? He’d just made her cum three times and he was still rearing to go. She wanted to be good at this for him. 

Unfortunately for her, having sex was less a pleasure filled activity than an urge-- an itch that needed to be scratched. 

Sasuke knew it was wrong- using her like this. Everyone liked sex but no one used it for anything other than pleasure, unlike him. It was a consuming need that brought him to the knife's edge of anger when it wasn’t satisfied right away. He stopped keeping track of how many partners he'd had because, in his moods, he wasn't picky just horny. 

The urge to touch the familiar blond hair seized his interest and he reached down, running his hands through it like he always wanted to. But the blond was a deceiving silk. From a distance, it looked like fragile strands of gold but under his touch, it felt like steel wool. Over-bleached, most likely. And suddenly, the all-consuming lust that burned away at any rational thought, influencing him to go home with some random woman, was gone.

“'m finished,” he slurred. Not from post-orgasmic bliss, but from the one man drinking contest he challenged himself to as she herded him back to her apartment. At that point, he didn’t bother to be nice. He’d finally fucked his frustration away, and now it was time to leave. “Let me up, Ayane.”

And he was let up, or rather, pulled up and shoved towards the door. 

“My names Airi, asshole,” was hissed from behind him. 

A door slammed and he was staggering his way down the hallway of an apartment complex. He quickly lost his balance and crashed into the wall for support. 

“’s not like I’ll need it again,” he belatedly mumbled.

* * *

The phone in his pocket vibrated continuously as he ignored another round of Suigetsu’s incessant texts that begged him to some house party. He couldn’t walk the distance if he wanted to, trashed as he was, and decided to use the remainder of his strength to call the driver. He shot off a quick message and found himself, once again, leaned against the wall. It was cold outside but the alcohol in his blood paired with the low waves of pleasure still thrumming through him kept him warm. Sasuke hoped that hooking up with.... whatever her name was had been enough to keep him off the edge while he was home. It was all Naruto’s fault. 

Ever since he got there, Sasuke was lugging a constant nagging feeling that told him to get away which translated to getting away, having a drink, then having _someone_. 

It was made more severe whenever Naruto looked at him.

His gaze felt like a spotlight; debilitating and intrusive. But once he spoke, it was clear that there was nothing to be intimidated by. He was just your average boy-next-door who didn't know anything about anything.

Although sometimes he would catch Naruto deep in thought or speaking to some bum on the street with a look of wisdom born from old wounds. There was something within the depths of his light blue eyes that, at times, made Sasuke reconsider his conclusion.

Naruto was light, that was for sure. But sometimes Sasuke wondered if it was like the light of a sunset that reached out with greed. Warmth and salvation with promises to return but only after engulfing everything in its wake in complete darkness, collecting sins and secrets hidden in the darkest corners of the mind. That's what Naruto's type of light felt like. 

The slamming of gates jarred Sasuke from his reverie. He didn't realize he was already in a car and in front of his house. He must've blacked out. Had he been sober, the idea of blacking out - losing total control of himself - would have repulsed him. But he was still drunk. Not hammered, but still pretty drunk.

Thankfully the nap helped and he was capable of acting somewhat sober. He really hated being drunk. But between the brass it gave him to fuck women and the comatose state it put him in afterward, he owed a lot to alcohol.

And he was really looking forward to that slumber. Unfortunately, the moment he walked inside, it was clear that it would have to wait.

“Sasuke,” a hard voice from behind him said. It was two in the morning, last Sasuke checked. Itachi had no business being up at this time. 

“Why are you awake?” 

“Waiting on you,” Itachi said simply, tightening the robe he wore.

Sasuke simply raised his eyebrow in question.

“When I said that you two are to stay together, I meant it. Don't abandon Naruto like that again.”

“What, he came to tattle on me?” Sasuke sneered.

“He arrived a little after six, and I finished early. You didn't think I'd notice my baby brother missing from his side?” There was a knowing amusement in Itachi’s voice that he picked up on.

Being inebriated made his mind all the more suspicious. He almost drew attention to how much of a problem he had with the statement by asking outright what exactly he meant by it. But he knew that he was in no state to take Itachi on without giving something away. So he chose the easier route of scoffing, a very condescending, scoff. If you asked him, he just won that battle of wits. If you asked Itachi, Sasuke was definitely on something. The younger Uchiha turned his and walked, surprisingly steadily, into the kitchen.

“Since when am I a babysitter?” He slumped into a bar stool. “The very last thing I want to do is hang around Naruto in my spare time. He's your friend, not mine.” 

Itachi was quiet for a moment, head slightly cocked to the side with eyes assessing.

“Are you drunk?”

“I’m old enough now,” was all Sasuke said, making a crease form between Itachi’s brows.

“The first time you drank you weren’t. Don’t make this a habit.”

“Tch. I drink _one time_ with friends and suddenly I’m an alcoholic?” There was an unusual light-heartedness in his voice that suggested that there was nothing funnier than this conversation. And Itachi was already over it.

“I’m not sure you realize just how easy addiction can sneak up on you.”

Throughout their conversation, Sasuke’s vision went in and out of focus. Their brief talk lasted hours to him but eventually, he found his way to a room and collapsed into the four-poster bed. He was too drunk to dissect the conversation he’d just had with Itachi, but there was something said that sparked his interest. Something about... the time?

No.

Drinking? Drinking a lot?

Perhaps.

Maybe there was something someone was hiding, and he would find out what it was. He just hoped he remembered to pursue it tomorrow.

But he had more pressing matters. With any and all inhibitions ceasing to exist, golden skin, spiky blond hair, and eyes that held the entirety of the sky within them flashed under his eyelids. He was past the concepts of hesitation and guilt as his hand fell to the button of his pants.

***

TBC...

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed please comment or kudos! Even if you'd rather give me pointers or tips or express your confusion, please do so!
> 
> I know I'm flaky but this is the first story that I've marked as chaptered so I will be sticking with it regardless if I post other one shots!
> 
> BTW, you can find me on tumblr @ yikes-blueduende!


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